“His heartbeat has dropped, you need to bring the baby out today.”

My baby is here… I’m now a mother!!!

“His heartbeat has dropped, you need to bring the baby out today,” the sonographer said.

In that moment, I froze. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, and everything around me stood still. I just stared, unsure if I was supposed to cry or scream.

That morning, I had no idea my life was about to change. I woke up like every other day, not knowing that I was about to step into a completely new season. I had imagined this day in my head many times. How I would scream and dance, how I would cry tears of joy, how I would tell the story. I had played it in my mind over and over again, but nothing prepared me for the reality of it.

I had waited, hoped, and prayed. I worried so much that I eventually handed it all to God. I told Him, “Please take over. I can’t carry this on my own anymore.”

It was around 9:00am when I started to feel strange. My heart began to beat fast, and I could literally hear the sound of it. I brushed it off, thinking maybe it was just one of those things. Then I started to feel my baby move in a way that didn’t feel normal. It was too strong, and too sudden. Something didn’t feel right.

I told my husband, and he said we should call the midwife immediately. She picked up and asked us to go for a scan first, then come see her afterward.

I didn’t want to go. I told my husband maybe it wasn’t that serious. Maybe I was overthinking it. He insisted. “Let’s just go and be sure,” then I agreed. I paused my work, had a quick bath, and we left.

When we got to the lab and the scan was done, the sonographer said the baby’s heartbeat had dropped. My whole body went cold, my hands started to shake, and I could feel my eyes going wet already.

I asked him, “What do you think we should do?” And without wasting time, he said, “Go for a C-section today, and bring him out.”

We quickly called the hospital and informed them that we were coming. I called my sister to meet us on our way home to pack the baby things, and my husband also called my sister-in-law. I couldn’t even talk because I was in my head. My mind was racing, and everything felt like a blur.

When we got to the hospital, they checked again. It was still the same. I was told to see a doctor, and she said the heartbeat was fine that I didn’t need to worry. But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. My husband felt it too.

She said I should be admitted and monitored, but we said no, we wanted the baby out because I wasn’t ready to take any chances at all. So, I was taken to the Emergency Room.

Fifteen minutes later, they checked again and his heartbeat had dropped. Another fifteen minutes passed, and it dropped even more. At that point, I started to panic. My husband kept asking them to call the anesthesiologist.

While we waited for them to do that, they prepared me for surgery and I had a horrible experience with the nurse who fixed my catheter as she didn’t use any lubricant. The pain I felt shot straight to my head. I screamed so much as I couldn’t hold it in.

She looked at me like I was a child and said it wasn’t even painful. God! I wanted to swallow her. I didn’t know it was going to be that painful.

Whoever said a C-section is the easy way out has no idea what they’re talking about. I went through pain. Real pain. Just because someone didn’t go through labour doesn’t mean they didn’t go through hell.

We waited for the gynecologist to arrive. He eventually came around 3:00pm even though we had been at the hospital since past 12. They placed me on oxygen while we waited for the anesthesiologist. After some minutes, the heartbeat was checked again and thankfully the baby’s heartbeat went up a little, and we felt slightly relieved.

By 4:00pm, a man walked in and introduced himself as the anesthesiologist . I was asked to walk into the theatre. As I walked in and saw the word “Theatre” written boldly on the wall, I felt fear wash over me.

In my heart, I prayed, “God, please let me come out alive. Please.” I was so scared that I refused to look at my husband.

They told me to lie down on the table while the nurses and doctors began setting up. I had drips fixed into both hands. When it was time for the epidural, they asked me to hold a pillow tightly. I was so scared that I broke down in tears and begged them to let a nurse hold me which they refused at first, abusing me about how weak of a person I am and how many people go through it like strong women. Those words hurt me but I didn’t care. One of them even said, “Nobody was there when you were enjoying the sex.”

It hurt, but I couldn’t even talk back. I was too scared, and too weak. The epidural injection was one of the most painful things I’ve ever felt. A nurse held my arms tightly while the anesthesiologist injected my back. I screamed as the needle went in as the pain was sharp and deep.

After that, I was told to rest my head and not lift it for 12 hours. I also started to shake uncontrollably and was given another injection. When they were done, they asked me to lift my legs, but I couldn’t. So, they said a short prayer, and the surgery began.

I didn’t feel pain, but I felt every pull and tug while I waited for my baby’s first cry.

Then I heard the doctor say, “Get ready for the baby.” Just a couple of seconds later, I heard a loud cry. It was my baby. I felt so much joy rush through me. It felt like a heavy load was lifted off my shoulders. I expected them to place him on me just like in the movies but they didn’t. They placed him on oxygen immediately for some minutes and later showed him to me for just a few seconds almost at the end of the surgery that I barely caught the moment. Also, the gynecologist said he wasn’t feeding on the placenta anymore.

The surgery lasted 20 minutes. After the doctor and anesthesiologist left, the nurses cleaned me up. My baby was checked, cleaned, and handed over to my husband who was waiting outside the door.

My face on the third day;

After that, they called some of the hospital staff to move me to the recovery room. Again, I was told not to lift my head. If I did, I would get a terrible headache that would not leave for days.

In the recovery room, the nurses came to give me more injections. One of them stabbed me with the needle, but I didn’t feel it. My body was too numb to react. They inserted a drug into my anus and did a few more things I couldn’t process. I still couldn’t believe

I laid on my back for more than 12 hours without moving my head and it was really the longest 12 hours of my life. Also, I was told not to eat nor drink anything. I was so thirsty that I begged them to let me take a few drops of water, but they said no.

On the second day, I was only allowed 10 spoons of water and told to take my first walk around 4:00am. It was hell! I thought I would break in half and could only take a step before letting out a scream that I couldn’t and begged the nurse with tears in my eyes. I didn’t care that people in the hospital could hear my cry, I was in the worst pain ever! She refused at first but I didn’t stop wailing. The first pee and poo after the c-section right after the catheter was removed too felt horrible.

Then the following day, they gave me Lipton tea and watery pap. Phew! It was such a painful and beautiful experience at the same time because I can’t stop looking at my baby and imagining how he was in my belly a few days ago. (Currently staring at him as I write to you.) God is great and I’m so grateful He saw us through till the end. I’m happy I listened to my husband and went for that scan. I’m glad he was with me at home.

Let me stop here because it is getting too long. I’ll continue later. I just wanted to let you know that I’m a mother!!!!

It still feels like a dream, and there are times I just sit and stare at him, for minutes , not saying anything. Just looking at him.

God saw me, and gave me this precious gift.

Lots of kisses to you.

P.S:

CS is not an easy way out guys! The pain/ healing process after the surgery is really not talked about enough. I am still healing and still bend to walk and have to sleep on my back because it’s more comfortable than on my side, but it’s getting better.

Till I write to you again…. Very soon. Let me leave you with this;